The Next Step

In case you didn’t notice from my last post, I’m less than thrilled about what passes for presidential debates these days. It’s pretty clear that they are all organized with the express intention of making sure that candidates don’t have to say any more than they want to, to give them only enough time for the frontrunners to make their memorized statements and, perhaps, throw a planned jab at another candidate. These programs have more in common with game shows than with debates.

Here is my challenge to you, 2008 presidential hopefuls: Come on up to Boston and have yourselves a good old fashioned debate on Boston Common before it gets too cold. By “debate,” I mean that you will be allowed to speak directly to each other, to question each others’ points and respond to your opponents’ questions. We’ll set no time limit, and let you lay out all the details of your positions and plans. I’m sure we can find a quality moderator somewhere in this city.

Ron Paul. The hero of the internet. I’ve seen the videos, I’ve read the articles, I even stooped so low as to *shudder* watch a small portion of one of the Republican “debates.” I’ve seen him (and in fact, most of the presidential candidates) marginalized by the lazy mass media, who understand that the American people don’t have the attention span for more than two or three candidates, whom they have most kindly selected as “the major candidates” to save us all the trouble. Regardless, I take comfort in his stances on just about every major issue.

I believe that, of all the candidates, including the Democrats, Paul is the only one with a real interest in reducing the power of the federal government. That reduction in power is what our country desperately needs after the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld/Gonzales era. They have shown us, perhaps more vividly than any administration in American history, that big government cannot be trusted and that it is time for a change. Paul is the candidate with the most enthusiasm for undoing the damage. He understands the fundamental problem (already better than all the other Republicans) and he knows exactly how he wants to go about fixing it (putting him ahead of just about all the Democrats, too).

He is the perfect man for the job of getting America back to where it should be. Is the best man for moving us forward beyond that point? I don’t think so, but right now we are very much in the hole, and we need someone with true, traditional American values in the White House to remind us all what we are supposed to stand for: freedom and basic human rights, even for accused terrorists.

Ron Paul 2008

Of Red Sox Nation, that is. Apparently they are holding “open” elections for that oh-so-important position, and I’m ready to step in and make some major changes that have been a long time coming. Of course, someone will have to feel strongly enough to buy me Red Sox Nation citizenship. Good to know that they aren’t hiding the fact that Red Sox Nation is a democracy that only those with money get to be in. Therefore, my first act as president will be to make citizenship free to anyone, anywhere.

“But Nathan,” you ask, “citizenship in Red Sox Nation guarantees your right to buy tickets! Surely we can’t guarantee tickets to everyone!” Indeed, you would be right, you can’t guarantee tickets to everyone, at least not without a bigger ballpark, which segues quite nicely into my next point.

Sox management drives the price of tickets up every year while adding a very small number of additional seats. It’s high time the Red Sox had a new, modern ballpark with plenty of seating and a better location. Let’s build it way out at the end of the Red line in Quincy where it can take advantage of the giant (and, at night, mostly empty) Quincy Adams MBTA parking garage. So if the chance that I’ll be president is good enough for anybody to invest fifteen bucks in a citizenship for me, I’ll gladly run. The deadline for entry is August 17.

Also, I will implement an annual “Wade Boggs free fried chicken day”.